Jade DevlinDear Ex-Husband
June 28th 2009 05:17
I love you, but go fuck yourself.
Love,
Ex-Wifey.
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I love you, but go fuck yourself.
Love,
Ex-Wifey.
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In Memorium
June 25th 2009 09:53
Ed McMahon
March 6, 1923 - June 23, 2009
Farrah Fawcett
February 2, 1947- June 25, 2009
Michael Jackson
August 29, 1958- June 25, 2009
March 6, 1923 - June 23, 2009
Farrah Fawcett
February 2, 1947- June 25, 2009
Michael Jackson
August 29, 1958- June 25, 2009
"Because I have loved life, I shall have no sorrow to die."- Amelia Burr
"People living deeply have no fear of death." -Anais Nin
"People living deeply have no fear of death." -Anais Nin
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Posted By: Dallas Laird - Category: No Category
LMFAO!
June 9th 2009 06:58
I would totally watch this. With a bong full of weed at my side, of course.
A stoner comedy with zombies?? Sweet!
Bong Of The Dead Teaser Trailer
A stoner comedy with zombies?? Sweet!
Bong Of The Dead Teaser Trailer
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Posted By: Dallas Laird - Category: No Category
New Final Destination Flick?
June 9th 2009 06:41
WTF. Really?!?
Another Final Destination film has been made, and cleverly titled The Final Destination.
The only good thing about this film?
It's the last one.
Thank GAWD!
Check out the trailer:
Waste three minutes of your life.
Another Final Destination film has been made, and cleverly titled The Final Destination.
The only good thing about this film?
It's the last one.
Thank GAWD!
Check out the trailer:
Waste three minutes of your life.
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Posted By: Dallas Laird - Category: No Category
Why Oprah Winfrey is the AntiChrist
June 8th 2009 03:46
Why don't I like Oprah?
Because the stupid bitch authorizes uncredited medical advice.... she should be slapped... doesn't she know that the majority of her viewing demographic are white, uneducated housewives....you get what you deserve, cunt.
....And second of all, because she is a media figure...
First of all... OPRAH. Honey. Shut the fuck up. if getting diddled by an adult as a child gives you a doctorate in child psychology, then I am the goddamn queen of psych....being molested does NOT give one the excuse to act like a spoiled, half concerned sociopath..
Should I say more? Oh, wait, there are a lot of you dumb, new moms out there, and in the interest of your new babies not being drowned in a bathtub, I would like to state my opinion, please...Dear Heidi....go ahead and sue me, I will keep yo' ass is court forever...stupid people (i.e. Spencer and yourself) shouldn't breed!
Go ahead, thick-legged Oprah, please, squeeze one out and preach to us. Perhaps we'll take you as seriously as you take yourself, once you shit out one of your own. Otherwise, please keep your f**Iking mouth shut.
Because the stupid bitch authorizes uncredited medical advice.... she should be slapped... doesn't she know that the majority of her viewing demographic are white, uneducated housewives....you get what you deserve, cunt.
....And second of all, because she is a media figure...
First of all... OPRAH. Honey. Shut the fuck up. if getting diddled by an adult as a child gives you a doctorate in child psychology, then I am the goddamn queen of psych....being molested does NOT give one the excuse to act like a spoiled, half concerned sociopath..
Should I say more? Oh, wait, there are a lot of you dumb, new moms out there, and in the interest of your new babies not being drowned in a bathtub, I would like to state my opinion, please...Dear Heidi....go ahead and sue me, I will keep yo' ass is court forever...stupid people (i.e. Spencer and yourself) shouldn't breed!
Go ahead, thick-legged Oprah, please, squeeze one out and preach to us. Perhaps we'll take you as seriously as you take yourself, once you shit out one of your own. Otherwise, please keep your f**Iking mouth shut.
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Posted By: Dallas Laird - Category: No Category
Probably one of the funniest You Tube videos I have ever seen.
June 1st 2009 08:08
Now, I am a Final Fantasy nerd. I admit it. And one of my favorites is Final Fantasy X.
While looking up some funny stuff on YouTube the other night, I ran across this re-dub video of the "Whistling Scene" from FFX... and seriously almost pissed on myself laughing.
Look for yourself. Yuna Gets Shut- FFX Parody
I dare you to not snicker.
While looking up some funny stuff on YouTube the other night, I ran across this re-dub video of the "Whistling Scene" from FFX... and seriously almost pissed on myself laughing.
Look for yourself. Yuna Gets Shut- FFX Parody
I dare you to not snicker.
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Posted By: Dallas Laird - Category: No Category
Cult Cinema: Showgirls
June 1st 2009 07:56
Ahh, Showgirls.
Cult favorite of the gay/lesbian/transgender community.. One of the most awesomely bad films ever made.
Okay, so most of us know that this was Elizabeth Berkeley's sad attempt to distance herself from her role of Jessie in Saved by the Bell. It worked. In fact, worked so well that she was confined to sad Lifetime movies for the next ten years.
Showgirls was one of the few major Hollywood vehicles to actually be released with an NC-17 ratings, so although it was panned by critics, few other films would ever dare to follow in its footsteps...especially the insane amounts of nudity.
It is the story of Nomi Malone, an aggressive, tall drink of water with a mysterious past who is determined to make it in Las Vegas as a dancer-- whatever the cost. Starting out as a stripper at the Cheetah, a chance meeting with the luscious Cristal (Gina Gershon, Bound, Prey for Rock and Roll) the lead of the Stardust's hit show "Goddess" gains her an audition.
....After a private lap dance involving the aforementioned Cristal and the delightfully sleazy Zack (played to oily perfection by Kyle McLachlan) of course.
Nomi quickly becomes embroiled in backstage intrigues, catty back-stabbing, and the seedy underbelly of the Las Vegas club scene, even down to physically harming the lead of the show to gain a promotion. Eventually, Nomi is forced to make a choice: stay true to herself (whoever the hell she is, all that we find out at the end of the film is her real name is Holly, and she used to turn tricks in Denver) or sell her soul for the glitz and gloss of Vegas.
(Miz Berkeley also happens to be a hot-foot dancin' muthafucka in this film. Who knew that Jessie Spano had rhythm?)
Now, the only things I truly enjoyed about this film are the deliciously catty dialogue, and the scene where Nomi kicks her roommate's rapist's ass, aided by nothing more than acrylic nails and heels. Oh, and she's pretty much naked throughout the entire film.
Overall, we all know it's a shitty film, but it's a film you can watch with your friends, have a good laugh... and it's a chick flick that you won't have to wheedle your boyfriend into seeing.
...Seriously. All I told my boyfriend was "Honey, it's basically soft core porn, and you get to see that Saved By The Bell chick's tits."
Ha. Sold!
Showgirls: Rated NC-17 (there is also an edited R version)
Elizabeth Berkeley, Gina Gershon, Kyle McLachlan
Cult favorite of the gay/lesbian/transgender community.. One of the most awesomely bad films ever made.
Okay, so most of us know that this was Elizabeth Berkeley's sad attempt to distance herself from her role of Jessie in Saved by the Bell. It worked. In fact, worked so well that she was confined to sad Lifetime movies for the next ten years.
Showgirls was one of the few major Hollywood vehicles to actually be released with an NC-17 ratings, so although it was panned by critics, few other films would ever dare to follow in its footsteps...especially the insane amounts of nudity.
It is the story of Nomi Malone, an aggressive, tall drink of water with a mysterious past who is determined to make it in Las Vegas as a dancer-- whatever the cost. Starting out as a stripper at the Cheetah, a chance meeting with the luscious Cristal (Gina Gershon, Bound, Prey for Rock and Roll) the lead of the Stardust's hit show "Goddess" gains her an audition.
....After a private lap dance involving the aforementioned Cristal and the delightfully sleazy Zack (played to oily perfection by Kyle McLachlan) of course.
Nomi quickly becomes embroiled in backstage intrigues, catty back-stabbing, and the seedy underbelly of the Las Vegas club scene, even down to physically harming the lead of the show to gain a promotion. Eventually, Nomi is forced to make a choice: stay true to herself (whoever the hell she is, all that we find out at the end of the film is her real name is Holly, and she used to turn tricks in Denver) or sell her soul for the glitz and gloss of Vegas.
(Miz Berkeley also happens to be a hot-foot dancin' muthafucka in this film. Who knew that Jessie Spano had rhythm?)
Now, the only things I truly enjoyed about this film are the deliciously catty dialogue, and the scene where Nomi kicks her roommate's rapist's ass, aided by nothing more than acrylic nails and heels. Oh, and she's pretty much naked throughout the entire film.
Overall, we all know it's a shitty film, but it's a film you can watch with your friends, have a good laugh... and it's a chick flick that you won't have to wheedle your boyfriend into seeing.
...Seriously. All I told my boyfriend was "Honey, it's basically soft core porn, and you get to see that Saved By The Bell chick's tits."
Ha. Sold!
Showgirls: Rated NC-17 (there is also an edited R version)
Elizabeth Berkeley, Gina Gershon, Kyle McLachlan
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Posted By: Dallas Laird - Category: No Category
Interlude
May 30th 2009 22:46
This post has nothing to do with film, by the way, just a rant about The L Word....
So, today was a lazy Saturday. My boyfriend had to work, so I just kind of did my own thing- took our dog out for a walk, changed the sheets on the bed, and settled down on the couch with a glass of iced tea to watch the last season of The L Word. (Season 6 is in the On Demand menu with our cable provider)
Now, I haven't had cable in years, so I was always behind when it came to my favorite shows: Dexter, Weeds, and The L Word. Now that I've got cable again (with TIVO, no less) I've been catching up.
Back to The L Word- I am PISSED that the last season only had eight episodes. The last season was truly the worst season for that show: Jenny turned into a malicious little bitch (more so than she already had been), Alice acted like a spoiled child for the last four episodes, that chick Niki just wouldn't let up on Shane and the last episode should have been titled "Everybody Hates Jenny" because everyone and I mean EVERYONE was hating on Jenny. And then Jenny is murdered. Or kills herself. Or something. o.O
What. The Fuck.
Basically, Showtime should be bitchslapped for taking this show off the air. Ilene Chaiken really didn't exert any effort on the episodes... I mean, come ON, they were lackluster and everyone knows it.. It's almost as if she decided, "You know what? Fuck it. They're not going to renew us for another season, then I'm just simply not going to give a damn."
It was really just ridiculous. I can't believe I wasted my day watching that shit. It's a shame I've already seen Season 1 of Dexter and Season 4 of Weeds... that would've been much more worthwhile to watch.
But,.,.,.,., Dexter and Weeds are getting ready for their season premieres, so at least I have THAT to look forward to.
Film review of Che to follow tonight. Sorry about the rant.
So, today was a lazy Saturday. My boyfriend had to work, so I just kind of did my own thing- took our dog out for a walk, changed the sheets on the bed, and settled down on the couch with a glass of iced tea to watch the last season of The L Word. (Season 6 is in the On Demand menu with our cable provider)
Now, I haven't had cable in years, so I was always behind when it came to my favorite shows: Dexter, Weeds, and The L Word. Now that I've got cable again (with TIVO, no less) I've been catching up.
Back to The L Word- I am PISSED that the last season only had eight episodes. The last season was truly the worst season for that show: Jenny turned into a malicious little bitch (more so than she already had been), Alice acted like a spoiled child for the last four episodes, that chick Niki just wouldn't let up on Shane and the last episode should have been titled "Everybody Hates Jenny" because everyone and I mean EVERYONE was hating on Jenny. And then Jenny is murdered. Or kills herself. Or something. o.O
What. The Fuck.
Basically, Showtime should be bitchslapped for taking this show off the air. Ilene Chaiken really didn't exert any effort on the episodes... I mean, come ON, they were lackluster and everyone knows it.. It's almost as if she decided, "You know what? Fuck it. They're not going to renew us for another season, then I'm just simply not going to give a damn."
It was really just ridiculous. I can't believe I wasted my day watching that shit. It's a shame I've already seen Season 1 of Dexter and Season 4 of Weeds... that would've been much more worthwhile to watch.
But,.,.,.,., Dexter and Weeds are getting ready for their season premieres, so at least I have THAT to look forward to.
Film review of Che to follow tonight. Sorry about the rant.
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Posted By: Dallas Laird - Category: No Category
Matthew McConaughey Is Gonna Be My 6th Ex-Husband
May 29th 2009 11:08
(Two down, one in progress, so I have another two to run through til' I get to him. I'm gonna get you, Matthew...you and your bongo-beating, pot-smoking, hedonistic fine ass!)
Ahem.
Sorry.
I meant to review Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past. I can't help but drool over the gorgeousness that is McConaughey. Rrrrrow!
Okay. This film is mediocre at best, but it's not all bad. Obviously, Ghosts is an off shoot from the standard tale of overnight repentance: A Christmas Carol.
There were a lot of really funny parts in this movie. For instance: Michael Douglas plays McConaughey's smooth, pimp-daddy of an uncle. He's also a ghost. In fact, he plays Matthew's Marley. I've always been a Michael Douglas fan.. Ever since Fatal Attraction, I was hooked. It's good to know that he's still got it.
He was the best ghost, by far. The three bitches that played Past, Present, and Future....eh, not so much. Forgettable, really. I think the one that played the first ghost was the same chick that played Jules in Superbad. She was okay...just really, really, REALLY obnoxious.
The real magic on the screen was between Matthew McConaughey and Jennifer Garner, in all honesty.. they pulled it off beautifully, that it really seemed like these two had known each other since childhood. Amazing rapport, definite sparks. I think they should divorce their respective spouses and get together because they are just so CUTE!
I'm not going to give details on the spot. If you know how to read Dickens, you know the gist of it. Every thing else is a spoiler, if I say anything.
...There is a fantastic point in the movie where Michael Douglas is educating his young nephew about the art of picking up chicks, though. Earns himself a slap in the face and a pretty blonde for his effort.
Towards the end of the film, he loses a little of his game, though.. Poor bastard almost looks crestfallen.
Yeah, Michael, it's hard out here for a pimp, isn't it?
Anywhore, my final opinion: Go see it. Bring a date. Don't expect too much, some good laughs and a scene at the end where even I teared up a little. (And that's saying a lot. I'm a heartless bitch.)
Ahem.
Sorry.
I meant to review Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past. I can't help but drool over the gorgeousness that is McConaughey. Rrrrrow!
Okay. This film is mediocre at best, but it's not all bad. Obviously, Ghosts is an off shoot from the standard tale of overnight repentance: A Christmas Carol.
There were a lot of really funny parts in this movie. For instance: Michael Douglas plays McConaughey's smooth, pimp-daddy of an uncle. He's also a ghost. In fact, he plays Matthew's Marley. I've always been a Michael Douglas fan.. Ever since Fatal Attraction, I was hooked. It's good to know that he's still got it.
He was the best ghost, by far. The three bitches that played Past, Present, and Future....eh, not so much. Forgettable, really. I think the one that played the first ghost was the same chick that played Jules in Superbad. She was okay...just really, really, REALLY obnoxious.
The real magic on the screen was between Matthew McConaughey and Jennifer Garner, in all honesty.. they pulled it off beautifully, that it really seemed like these two had known each other since childhood. Amazing rapport, definite sparks. I think they should divorce their respective spouses and get together because they are just so CUTE!
I'm not going to give details on the spot. If you know how to read Dickens, you know the gist of it. Every thing else is a spoiler, if I say anything.
...There is a fantastic point in the movie where Michael Douglas is educating his young nephew about the art of picking up chicks, though. Earns himself a slap in the face and a pretty blonde for his effort.
Towards the end of the film, he loses a little of his game, though.. Poor bastard almost looks crestfallen. Yeah, Michael, it's hard out here for a pimp, isn't it?
Anywhore, my final opinion: Go see it. Bring a date. Don't expect too much, some good laughs and a scene at the end where even I teared up a little. (And that's saying a lot. I'm a heartless bitch.)
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Posted By: Dallas Laird - Category: No Category
Under new management!
May 29th 2009 02:10
Welcome to the new (and greatly improved) ScratchedScreen.com!
I have taken over this domain after the former proprietor dropped off the face of the planet a few months back.
My name is Dallas Laird, I am a definite cinemaphile, and I hail from the city that care forgot: New Orleans, Louisiana...
Now, to clarify, although this site will primarily focus on new films (the good, bad, and truly hideous), I will also be posting some odd bits of gossip, rumours of remakes, and even the odd review of cult classics. I do hope you'll be entertained... I'm pretty good at literary tap-dancing.
Comments are welcome, although you'll have to sign up first, but that takes all of five minutes.
I've left Jade's old posts up, in case some of you that visit are former readers of her blog, since she did own this domain prior to myself, I felt it would be in poor taste to delete her work.
Anyway, the site is still under construction, so please bear with me, I should have it completely sorted within the next few days.
Again, welcome to the site, and enjoy!
I have taken over this domain after the former proprietor dropped off the face of the planet a few months back.
My name is Dallas Laird, I am a definite cinemaphile, and I hail from the city that care forgot: New Orleans, Louisiana...
Now, to clarify, although this site will primarily focus on new films (the good, bad, and truly hideous), I will also be posting some odd bits of gossip, rumours of remakes, and even the odd review of cult classics. I do hope you'll be entertained... I'm pretty good at literary tap-dancing.
Comments are welcome, although you'll have to sign up first, but that takes all of five minutes.
I've left Jade's old posts up, in case some of you that visit are former readers of her blog, since she did own this domain prior to myself, I felt it would be in poor taste to delete her work.
Anyway, the site is still under construction, so please bear with me, I should have it completely sorted within the next few days.
Again, welcome to the site, and enjoy!
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Posted By: Dallas Laird - Category: No Category
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