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Spotlight Posts

True Blood Tastes Funny

The Dead End

Forced Labour in the Fashion Mines

Surprise! the new mummy movie sux

a blind, winged man-whore and the little one-eyed wench: they don't make sci-fi like they used to

Showtime: HBO, yr doin it wrong

Fetch Me My Gun, Love

'Bend it like Beckham' got brutal

Bill Pullman is watching you from the confines of his neck flab

No Fluffy Penguins (well, maybe just a few gay or deranged ones)

Desert Middlemen, Barefoot Fighters

Mediocre Feedback - not everyone who strums the guitar, should.

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True Blood Tastes Funny

October 22nd 2008 14:04

So I've been working on my masters thesis, I'm trying to hand it in soon, so I haven't posted in a while, but there is one new development, in television, that I really need to comment on.

True Blood

The new Alan Ball series, "True Blood", which has been released simultaneously to his new film "Towelhead" (which I have not yet seen) has me all turned about. I can¹t decide whether I like it, and I¹ve watched all seven episodes that have been released so far. It¹s an old premise, one which Buffy perfected: small American town, hot blonde girl, special powers, vampires. At least (in the third episode) this is acknowledged, with a little nod from one of the characters to the series predecessors. But do we need another small-town-blondie-does-vamps series?

Turns out yes, because I'm finding it seriously addictive despite my reservations. I guess it's because there's so little decent television at the moment. One of my main issues with the show is that I hate, and have always hated Anna Paquin. I hate her face. And especially her mouth. But she brings an obscenity to the character of Sookie Stackhouse, who would otherwise be an insufferable saint.

And other than that, the show oscillates between a clumsy condemnation of American society, and a vomit-inducing love story between a telepathic, virginal sunday schooler and one of the softest vamps you've ever seen (Spike would totally kick Bill's arse). So it's actually Anna Paquin who is saving the whole damn thing. And it's somehow really compelling.

And I've gotta get me some V.

So what does everyone else think? I mean, it's not holding a candle to 'Six Feet Under' yet, but do you think it could?

and meanwhile, part of the HBO genius has been to launch a huge range of websites and fan groups based on the show:
http://bloodcopy.com/
http://www.trubeverage.com/

...very clever.

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The Dead End

September 11th 2008 05:47

"Diary of the Dead" (2007) George A Romero

I actually can't tell you what's more depressing; how shit-boring my generation must be to people from the previous ones, or how bad the film is. I feel like arse for saying this, but the grizzly old zombie master needs to retire, because, in his attempt to stay relevant, he has embarrassed himself. And the zombie genre. Many of Romero's films have been astute social commentaries, but in the new dead film, it goes awry, because Romero has not told a story authentic to him. He's told one that he thinks the young kids will like, but one of the few redeeming features of my gen, gen-y, is we're picky about being lied to.

poster, 'diary of the dead' (at least the poster is cool)

Now, "Diary of the Dead" was meant to be Romero's return to his roots. Much like "NIght of the Living Dead" it's independently produced, no budget, semi-actors, one or two cameras type deal. But Romero's roots are in the 60s, and personally, I would have loved a film about the 60s. And I would have loved a film about the grand narrative of late capitalism, like he made (cheekily, and under the major studios' noses) with "Land of the Dead", but to focus on a new media in a way that announces his age, is really really sad.

What Romero failed to appreciate in "Diary of the Dead" is that people who are comfortable with such technology as 'the internet' and 'blogging' and 'streaming from youtube' is that they don't tend to constantly label and list it. It just is, in much the same way that the television just was to people in the late 60s while their parents and grandparents were still pretty impressed by it.

the 'film students'

Look, the other major problem I have with this film (aside from the forced, bad acting, that's part of the fun of zombie territory) is that Romero has tried to make a social satire in a way that feels outmoded. It is too obvious for these days. Every 'wry' comment is earnestly emphasised, the actors may as well have looked into the camera and raised their eyebrows. I mean, I'm all for it, but I think somewhere along the way, the world changed too much for Romero to be able to reflect it in a zombie film. It got too complicated for the Romero-zombie formula. I love zombies, and especially Romero so I feel a bit shit about that.

meanwhile, I thought of something I would have like to ask Romero at the Q&A session with him I went to the other day (it was on for the Melbourne International Film Festival)... Does anyone know who did the costuming for "Night of the Living Dead"?? The clothes are hot. Because people knew how to design things back then.

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The Secret Diary of Belle de Boring

September 11th 2008 04:01

"The Secret Diary of a Call Girl" (2007 - 2008) Lucy Prebble

Billie Piper's version of 'seductive' and 'intelligent' at the same time, is to elongate the last few words of every sentence, and simultaneously raise her chin up slightly. Not that, after two episodes, this stupid show is predictable or anything. Now, Belle de Jour, though I don't know much about her, and refuse to read her books, has got to be pissed off about this casting. Billie was fine as Dr Who's sidekick, but, by herself, she appears stupid, toothy, laboured and saggy-titted.

Billie as Belle

And aside from Billie trying to fool us into believe people might actually pay to sleep with her, this show is still really boring. It's badly scripted, implausible and badly directed. And meanwhile, why hasn't anyone done an expose of this Belle de Jour, if only for taking the surrealist name in vain? It is actually impossible to stay anonymous these days, especially if people want to find out who you are. Doesn't anyone recognise themselves in any of her writing? By now, someone has got to have thought, 'hang on a minute'. No? Potentially because it's all false - and I don't really care if it's a true account, or not. But it does explain why it seems so false/forced.

So, I heard about how shocking and groundbreaking this show is supposed to be and gave it a chance, and watched two episodes. The only thing that shocked me was how far this Prebble chick is willing to put back feminism. Piper is not seductive, she cannot act, and she is scary looking. (I know, irony, those two sentences together, that's the fun of reviews, children.) And, I'll say it once more, I was so so so bored.

Predictably, Showtime is taking this show up in the US. Well, that says it all, really.

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Harold and Kumar need to escape from gross out comedy

September 8th 2008 11:10

"Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay" (2008) Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg

Now, when it comes to my film preferences, I'm more or less a boy. I hate HATE 'chick flicks' and I hate the term 'chick flick' even more. I LOVE shitty (and good) Hong Kong martial arts movies (one springs to mind where the subtitles were so bad that the husband character kept getting referred to as husby) and I love action movies, and sadly, movies based on video games, and slasher, and horror, and zombies and so on and forth. But, I draw, perhaps the only line, at gross out comedy.

harold, kumar and w, in one of the funnier moments of the film

I haven't seen the first installment of "Harold and Kumar", but saw a preview for this one, which was funny enough to prompt me to see it. Mostly, the sad indictment of the US political and social climate really appealed to me. And the actors who play Harold and Kumar struck me as a well cast, charismatic comic duo.

BUT...

All the film's best jokes were in the preview. And, gross out humour is just not funny. No, no it isn't. No, it's just not. Especially when it's poorly executed, and especially when it totally fucks up an otherwise amusing scene. Basically, what needs to happen, is these guys need to see beyond the shit and the hirsute pubis jokes, and work on what appeals to a wider audience than 13 year old boys.

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Forced Labour in the Fashion Mines

September 8th 2008 09:47

"Otto; or, Up with Dead People" Bruce LaBruce 2008

Any film which describes a character's career as "many years of forced labour in the fashion mines..." gets my vote. Bruce LaBruce has done it again. He's bitch-slapped more or less every other film at the festival right out of orbit. 'Otto' is so fabulous, self-conscious, witty, profound in the most whimsical and non-preachy way. And clever, so so clever - a little bit smarmy, but not enough to put you off. It's beautifully shot, with changes in filters, colour saturation etc throughout, everything is perfectly designed so that it's both aesthetic and basic. Sigh. So good.

(still from Otto; or, up with dead people - Otto eating the roses)

Basically, Otto (Jey Crisfar - a first time actor) is, or believes he is (and what is the difference, really) a zombie. He totters about, exploring the world as a zombie (or, as the narrator says, a metaphor) and falls into the clutches of an independent filmmaker, Medea Yarn, and her girlfriend Hella Bent. This is one of the many fabulous points about the film, Hella (played by Susanne Sachsse who was Gerda in 'Raspberry Reich) is stuck in a silent movie. Permanently. LaBruce overlays a grainy sepia on her whenever she's in the frame. And no one can seem to hear her speak except Medea. The audience is granted intertitles during their exchanges. So funny.

Meanwhile, Otto has been eating roadkill and so forth, because, as he vaguely remembers, he was a vegetarian in life. Although, he does briefly get a taste for human flesh, he's generally a very compliant, sweet little zombie, who can't understand why people don't realise that he's really a zombie. Aw.

(Otto and Hella at the dump)

One point - there was way less sex in this film than Bruce La Bruce's other films, which I guess makes it more able to be distributed, at least through the film festival circuit. It's not porn, so much like his other films, although that doesn't really make it any less subversive. And there's a wound-fucking scene which would guarantee a ban in many countries, one would have thought. It makes the one in Cronenberg's 'Crash' look extremely tame.

Anyway I appreciated the kind of Bataillean aspect of the film, you know, the sex, the death, the blood, and so on, but I also enjoyed it as another near-perfect satire from a hero of mine. (What I'm trying to say is that you'll probably like it even if you're not completely twisted.)

9/10

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Why Is Big Hair Necessary To Filmmaking???

September 7th 2008 13:10

IF you are American. And a boy. And white. And would like to be a good film director, you only need one more thing: AMAZING big hair. Like, bouffant styles. This occurred to me when I was reading up on Jim Jarmusch. There are too many examples. Check this out:

(Orson Welles, The Original Bouffant Boy)

(David Cronenberg, Cold Psychotic Bouffant - he’s Canadian, but we’ll ignore that and not make a fuss, cos he’s been making American films for while now)

(David Lynch, OCD Mad Bouffant)

(Jim Jarmusch, Electrical Sockets Are An Issue Bouffant)

(Tim Burton, The Hair Was An Issue Side Part Bouffant)

(Todd Solondz, I Might Be Balding, But I’ll Give It A Red Hot Go Bouffant)

(Wes Anderson, I’m so hot, I can pull off red AND big hair Show-off Bouffant)

OK. That amused me WAY too much. I need to get out more. But this shows that there is still hope for Zach Braff, "Garden State" had its (albeit brief) moments.

Hm, looking at photos again, an addendum, it would seem you also need pouty lips.

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Surprise! the new mummy movie sux

September 6th 2008 15:01

"The Mummy 3: The Tomb of the Dragon Emperor" (2008) Rob Cohen

Um, Lame.

OK - proper review. So, I really like the first two mummy movies - they have a sense of humour and their own in-jokes and references to the original mummy movies way back when. They have Brendan Fraser, being weirdly attractive in his tubby, squishy faced way... and most importantly, they have Rachel Weisz as this charismatic, lusty, ballsy, spazzy librarian/archaeologist. The first thing wrong with the third mummy installment is that the Evie character is now some awful chick I've never heard of called Maria Bello, who is this toothy, bloodless, uptight English lady.

replacement evie - maria bello

Now, I've never liked Rachel Weisz, but she's always worked in this role, mostly because her character is supposed to be 'half-eqyptian' and a reincarnation of an ancient egyptian princess, and she looks the part. So, that makes the new chick extra lame, compounded by a completely inconsistent story, Evie has turned from a librarian archaeologist curator into a writer/spy and nasty bitch pseudo mother-in-law (I've had a few run-ins with those, urgh). Which brings me to the next thing wrong with the third mummy movie, Rob Cohen directed it instead of Stephen Sommers (who did the other two). Stephen Sommers had a particular way of linking and involving everything, and drawing from ancient history/myth and incorporating it into the film. He could direct sequences that inspired suspense, and could hold viewers' attention spans (although the third quarter of the second mummy movie did have its lax moments). Sommers also knows how to laugh at himself. Rob Cohen fails on all these counts.

The next major failing of the third mummy movie, is that Brendan Fraser is not quite forty, his co-star Maria Bello, is forty one, and yet together they play the parents of someone in their mid-twenties, someone who has managed to drop out of university, but still convince someone to give him major funding to head an archaeological dig. Stupid. The insipid (27 year old) wanker they've got to prance about playing Alex O'Connell doesn't help. Meanwhile, the talents of Jet Li and Michelle Yeoh are summarily ignored and offensively underused the entire film. (It's almost as though they were cast because the director heard they were Chinese.) And there's this bit at the end when you think 'woo! epic battle' but no, it's just epic slow motion.

jet li and brendan fraser, you know, fighting or something

To be honest, I kept trying to find excitement in "The Tomb of the Dragon Emperor", I was looking forward to it and really wanted it to be good. So even if you look past the stupid plot holes, inconsistencies with the previous films, and the crap re-casting. It's still a shit film.
Bummer.

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Anarchy in the UK; or, just what a girl needs

September 6th 2008 13:10

St Trinian's (2007) Oliver Parker, Barnaby Thompson

I know what you're thinking. Why even bother, when obviously this is an awful trashy film. But it's not. Well it is. But it's actually an excellent trashy movie, and what we need more of. In a climate where shit like "The House Bunny" is produced, films like "St Trinian's" offer an alternative for young women who actually don't want to be a playboy bunny.

anarchy at the british museum

While the ultimate 'message' of acceptance of misfits and of women working together, not forced to compete with each other might be trite to some, it is important in a social context where a generation is petrified of being identified as feminist. That aside, the pop-revolutionary concept of anarchy, of subverting and disrupting dominant social order is a fabulous one for a new feminism to intersect with. (This is all ignoring the dubious old man beginnings of the original St Trinian's films - I am currently still trying to get my hands on them.)

non-regulation equipment - st trinian's hockey

And if being a punk in heels still doesn't appeal, it's still actually a really fun film to watch. There's Rupert Everett playing two roles, one in drag, and a fabulous make-out between him and Colin Firth. There's the raver secretary who always knows just what to say, and my new boyfriend Russell Brand, and then there's Stephen Fry. Stephen Fry is more or less all you need in a film to make it good.

"St Trinian's" is utter trash, of the absolute best kind, so until the end...

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it was dark for too long

September 5th 2008 14:00

"30 Days of Night" David Slade 2007

Now, I'm not sure why no one had thought of this before. It's such a simple, good idea. Set a vampire movie in some remote Alaskan town where in winter, it's dark for a month. No reprieve. But I must say, it does take some of the immediacy of the situation out of it... it's not 6 hours to dawn, gotta live those 6 hours, it's 27 days... and well really, if they were normal vampires, you're stuffed.

(the vamps in this one LIKE fire)

But, and here's the disappointing thing, David Slade's vampires are really more like zombies. And for zombies, it actually doesn't need to be dark, so the movie got a little silly. And a little less original. See, perhaps, if the town were bigger, one could have less devolved vampires, and still keep the suspense. In fact, the vamps were so much like zombies, there was a little girl one straight out of 'Night of the Living Dead'. Also, while I enjoy the audacity of the Blade-esque vampire, who doesn't just bite you, but rips your entire throat out, I have limited patience for it. No finesse.

Meanwhile, Josh Harnett plays the sheriff, or perhaps the sheriff's assistant, that's not really clear, but what is clear, is that Josh Harnett will be taken seriously one day. Today is not that day. The same cannot be said for Melissa George (sigh, a countryman) who embarrassed herself soundly. Between the two of them, they herd various townsfolk through the routine motions of a vampire (actually, zombie) situation. All the hiding and the waiting and the getting desperate and the grand standing ending in certain death by predictable party members.

Devolved Vampire - can't get the blood off his mouth

To be honest, this would normally be an enjoyable, if unremarkable (with some novelty thrown in) vampire/zombie movie, but I'm a little bit disappointed with David Slade. He made "Hard Candy" a few years ago and everyone was impressed, if not a little disturbed. It was the sort of film that actually surprised you when it went in a new direction. And it has such an obsessive careful attention to detail. 30 days entirely lacks that. It also promises to be something unique in its opening sequences, with some stunning cinematography, and weird suspense (melted mobile phones) and then promptly lets you down.

What have we learned? Don't live anywhere so stupidly uninhabitable that there's no daytime at all for thirty days of the year.

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a blind, winged man-whore and the little one-eyed wench: they don't make sci-fi like they used to

September 5th 2008 10:55

"Barbarella: Queen of the Galaxy" (1968) Roger Vadim

Robert Rodriguez is now officially on my shit list. I have recently discovered that he's planning to remake Barbarella. Just say no. And all the little two-bit starlet/prostitutes are squabbling over Jane Fonda's role. So by way of reasons why this shouldn't happen, let's talk about "Barbarella: Queen of the Galaxy".

(Barbarella cover art)

I have an embarrassing penchant for 60s sci-fi. Most people are all about the 50s cold war, nuclear paranoia era. No. The 60s were way better, because the drugs were better. If we had acid as strong now as it was in the 60s, people wouldn't have to keep announcing lame remakes. And I must say, for those of us born in the 80s, this film explains a lot. It actually feels like you're watching the missing link.

Barbarella opens with a lengthy space suit strip tease (awesome) and continues straight to Barbarella speaking to the president of earth via videolink while naked. The president of earth predictably stares at her tits the whole time. The political incorrectness, and the soft porn aspects of the film will actually make you say "holy shit" aloud several times while watching it.

It's a really strange film for many reasons, it sort of dances along this line of irony, self-consciousness, political allegory, innuendo and awkwardness in a particularly unique, b-film manner. It entwines ambiguous gestures toward the 60s climate like the introduction of the pill and ideas about free love, with a bizarre and underdeveloped plot. There are so many great lines, like when Barbarella explains that physical sex was abolished on earth because "equal supports for self esteem were made available" but then it also seems that when they couldn't think of anything for her to say she says "oh, well that's nice", regardless of the situation.

Overall, it does seem like a flimsy excuse to have Jane Fonda in and strategically out of as many diminutive outfits as possible, with Paco Rabanne responsible for the costuming in the final scene. But then, it also has Marcel Marceau playing a bit part, as well as my boyfriend from "Blow Up" (David Hemmings) playing the bumbling revolutionary Dildano. Yes, Dildano.

So Barbarella is a paradox. A big, messy, weird paradox that should be left out of the clutches of Rodrigeuz, who until now i sort of liked but is really just a pathetic little Tarantino lackie. (And I mostly only liked him because he used to be hot.)

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